Anonymous asked: I have a question about rejection letters. I sent my novel to a publishing company and they sent back a letter that said, "We didn't like your story and you have one week to live." What the hell is that all about?
This is one of the more unfortunate side effects of National Novel Writing Month. Publishers get so many unwanted 1st draft novels now that rejection letters don’t cut it anymore. A secondary industry of assassins has risen to help clear out the slush piles of publishing companies. Not only has your novel been rejected, but a hired killer has a contract to kill you so you never bother them again.
The good news is that their workload is so high that if they don’t kill you at the end of 14 days, the contract expires and they move on to the next guy who sent in a dystopian young adult novel about kids rising up against the man. I suggest finding a bunker and staying in the for next 14 days.
Also, do at least a 2nd draft before sending in your novel.
Anonymous asked: I have been writing Charmed fan fiction since 1999. I can't stand Charmed anymore but I keep writing. My head is bursting with plots, love interests and new Whitelighter mythology. I am currently outlining a 16 part crossover with Hemlock Grove. Please make it stop. I am so tired of describing Phoebe's pout. Help me.
Oh man, that is tough. I don’t normally recommend this but since it is fan fiction, I have to. Go see a Scribologist and ask for a Writer’s Block. They will insert it directly into your brain and it will stop you from writing. They used to be expensive but since Obamacare, the price has dropped a lot and might actually be free under your health plan.
Anonymous asked: I need some writing advice. I am writing a story about a woman who is half vampire and half angel and it was going really good at first. Melanie was so easy to write it was like it was writing itself. I was so excited at first. The thing is, the novel is getting longer and I stopped writing a week ago. My friends are getting emails from Melanie and the passwords on my accounts are changing. I am pretty sure she is sexting my husband. What should I do?
This happens to everyone. Experienced writers know when a character starts “writing itself” in the story, it is time to delete the story before it gains full sentience. When it reaches the point your’s is at, the only cure is to burn the story. If it is a document on a hard drive, burn the hard drive and the hard drives of any computers that has appeared on it.
if you uploaded the story to a cloud, I am so sorry and I hope you survive.